Where does time go? Especially when it is so precious..

Halloween and the events of the last post seem far away! The last week has brought another round of chemo for Dad and all the not-so-fun effects of it. Yesterday marked 6 weeks of knowing about and trying to treat his Cancer. It has been a roller-coaster of emotions. Seems like just when things seem to be improving, and hope is budding, we come crashing down again with some little (or big) down-turn. It is difficult to keep emotions in check and sometimes they come out in all the wrong ways. I was just reading about how the positive effects of hope and attitude that are believed to help in this whole situation. One quote was that hope and being positive is like religion, a personal belief. I know that my religion matters, so should my hope and yes, sometimes my pleading.

A friend of mine had this to say about our particular challenge:

"The outcome of your current health challenge is already determined and you will be blessed greatly for passing through this with faith and courage."

I have thought a lot about Heavenly Father knowing the outcome and His care and concern for us at this time. I have also felt the closeness of those who love us on the other side of the veil. There is concern felt and wishes that they could alleviate the pain of it all. And, on this side of the veil, there are many who continue to be concerned and express their love for Rick and for our family. Even last night, Rick took a call from Katie's mission president who had rec'd the word that Katie had deferred her call. He left a sweet message of love with us and an open invitation and open arms for her to come when she can. Can we really ask for more? Yes, I can ask for more faith in Heavenly Father's plan for us....it is needed.

Halloween n' Stuff

Wow, this last week has been a whirlwind of events. Most fun had to be Jake and Halloween...Jake was Mr. Incredible (prounounced Mr. Credible) and had a marvelous time. His enthusiasm is difficult, if not impossible to describe...no matter what it is he is excited about. He was excited to wear his costume (not so excited to wear the mask, so I did (see the pic), so excited to trick-or-treat; so excited to answer Grandmother's door and give kids candy either out of the bowl or out of his own stash it didn't matter. But he was profuse with the compliments, my personal favorite was, "oooohhhh, you look sooo pretty" It was an appreciative compliment and gave me a glimpse into the future when he has a pretty princess on his arm. But for now, he was excited to eat about everything in his little pumpkin in a few hours...probably a good thing.

We have had everyone here this week under one roof...what a blessing! Rick has been here since Wednesday and I have appreciated his efforts to come and be here for a few days...it has been good for him and good for us. I am sure it is hard to leave his little family here for another two weeks, but hopefully he can work hard and get things ready for their return. They are talking about moving from their apartment....I would hate thinking about it (not because it is an amazing apt, but just the packing and moving AND in winter). But they are young and seem not to be bothered by the prospect, they have gotten a taste of what the utility bills are like and it isn't pretty, apparently their apt is not well insulated....decisions, decisions. I hate to see Rick leave, I feel like we haven't had much chance to talk...but time flies and he leaves in an hour or so...and so the day goes. Cam works, Katie takes Dad in for Chemo, I work and Sarah takes Rick to the airport...a busy day. And life goes on.....

It is good to know that when we all return from things today that we will be met by the excited voice of a three year old...we are trying not to count the days before we won't hear it except over the phone for a few seconds...we have seen how busy he is and how quickly he likes to get on and off the phone...puts life into perspective and we see what we are asking him to do every day when he's not here. But we'll still need our "Jakie fix" each day.

Today we vote. That's about all I can say, except that when I reviewed the sample ballot, there were some other options for President that I wasn't aware of, maybe I'll do a little research :) (Although, I think I can eliminate Ralph Nader) We are in for some rocky years I think, I guess we hang on for the ride and see what 4 years brings for us in our country.

Is this post is eclectic enough????...Katie says this is my journal...and that's about what it is.

Gratitude

Yesterday I realized that it was one month ago today that Rick had surgery to define the challenges he will have for the rest of his life...made me wonder what we have accomplished and if we've grown the way we should over the last month. We have certainly been blessed by many caring family and friends who have helped in many ways, most frequently by their quiet prayers. As Rick returned from surgery again today (to place a port line)..I wondered, where the month had gone and if we were improved people. There is always a way to be better...we have decided we have many ways to grow!

We have certainly been busy. Cam has moved home and has secured two part-time jobs and is calling this his "summer" He will be picking up one or two online classes to fill some requirements that are added in his planned transfer to BYU this Spring/Summer. He has been busily planning with counselors etc. to organize his continued education. He has been a tremendous help to us in the last month! We are sad he had to interrupt his educational plans, but glad he is here.

Katie has also made some very difficult decisions. She rec'd her mission call to Oakland, California. She has always wanted to be a California girl and this was her chance! After much counsel and prayer, she has decided to defer her call for a while to see how things work out here at home. She too has kicked into her organizing and care-taker role and has gone with Dad to appts etc. and filled in where I couldn't be there. Dad says that she is bossy, but that's in a good way. She keeps track of the details and makes sure that everyone is taking the best care of him that they should. We love and appreciate her for that...again we are sad that the immediate plans in her life are on hold...we want the best for her and want her to continue progressing in her happiness!

Sarah and Jake came last Wednesday, a day late d/t Jake's fall down their stairs and his subsequent ER visit to set and cast his broken arm. He was in pain for a couple of days, but since then, he hardly knows he is casted from his fingers to high on his upper arm. He has been a ray of sunshine and he and grandpa have been playing cub-scout and camping...where have all my flashlights gone????? Rick was not able to come as planned, but deferred his trip until yesterday. It is good to have everyone under one roof again. We'll have that for at least a few days. We are grateful for their little family and for the second grandchild that will join us in the early summer. We pray for Sarah and her ability to be healthy and strong in body and spirit. We constantly pray for Rick's continued success and ability to care for his family. Funny how you never quite feel that you aren't totally responsible for those things anymore....We love and appreciate them all!

So if I were to summarize my month, the word that comes to mind is Gratitude...so much to be grateful for...even challenges that smooth our rough edges...We love our family!

....Jakie....

Jakie called tonight and guess what he sang to me??? A Child's Prayer, with a pretty good semblance of the tune. Could be with a little help from his Dad, but again, music soothes my soul.

Music of my heart...

Today in Primary, we happened to sing "A Child's Prayer" For those who may not remember the words here they are some of them...

Heavenly Father, are you really there?
And do you hear and answer ev’ry child’s prayer?
Some say that heaven is far away,
But I feel it close around me as I pray.
Heavenly Father, I remember now
Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:
“Suffer the children to come to me.”
Father, in prayer I’m coming now to thee.

Pray, he is there;
Speak, he is list’ning.
You are his child;
His love now surrounds you.
He hears your prayer;
He loves the children.
Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heav’n.
(Words and music: Janice Kapp Perry, b. 1938)

Those words spoke to my fragile heart today. My 9-year old primary boys probably wondered what on earth was the matter with me, but in fact, the windows of heaven opened for a moment and comforted me with the words...and His spirit, His love did surround me.

Yesterday, I was driving toward Dad's funeral and heard an instrumental version of "Dearest Children, God is Near You." I was humming along when those words made me stand at attention.

Dearest Children, God is near you;
Watching o'er you day and night;
And delights to own and bless you;
If you try to do what's right.

He will bless you!
He will bless you!
If you put your trust in Him.

We have been laying our burdens at the Savior's feet and trusting in Him that he knows best and will help and support us. I felt that this song came to my mind as a witness to His promise to care for us. Another Tender Mercy.

Today as Katie contemplates her mission and when to go... again I was touched by music:

Do What is Right...#237
The third verse:
Do what is right, be faithful and fearless.
Onward, press onward the goal is in sight.
Eyes that are wet now ere long will be tearless.
Blessings await you in doing what's right!

Too many applications to be coincidence. My soul has been soothed by the music we love. I will never sing these songs in the same way again. I thank our Heavenly Father for his care and keeping of me this day as He always has. I wish it hadn't taken this sort of shock to help me remember who I am and who loves me and my family; and who will do about anything to calm a troubled heart. I love my Father in Heaven, and my brother, the Savior Jesus Christ.

What's the Plan?

The most common question to us right now is, "What's the plan?" We met last week with our Dr. who will be directing Rick's treatment. We feel good that he has done all of his homework and has consulted and presented all the facts to many who could give good input to this next step. We hope that early to mid-week that Rick will have had his first treatment. We feel fairly certain that the origin of the cancer is colon and we will treat that way. Although we don't look forward to the treatment itself, we are praying that it will be the right group of drugs. We have learned that there is not an exactness to the process like there would be if you had broken bones...when you hear "practicing medicine" sometimes that is just what it is...practicing until the right combination is found that helps to arrest his particular cancer. He will have a long-term IV access line placed this week and then we'll be good to go with the first treatment. Keep us and our caregivers in your thoughts and prayers.

As we meet this challenge, we have so appreciated all of the family, friends and neighbors that have stepped forward to show support and offer prayers...we love you all and love that you are willing to keep us in your prayers...we need every one.

....Tender Mercies......

Our lives have dramatically changed in the last 48 hours, and will likely never be the same. We have learned that our beloved husband and dad has cancer. We have all expressed to each other that these things happen to "other people" and never expected them to happen to us. We seem to have raised our hands somewhere before we came here to say that we would be glad to take on these challenges and life's lessons if we could only come, gain bodies, work hard at living the gospel and find joy in our existence here on earth.

As we have learned this news, we have been surrounded by angels both mortal and immortal and have experienced the tender mercies of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Though we have challenges ahead, we feel confident that with the help of those that the Lord places in our path, we can do this.

As Rick and I talked tonight, we don't know how much time we have, and I don't think that time will be measured in minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years. The way our time will be measured is in how we spend this next portion of our lives. We will spend it in deepening our relationships with each other, our children, grandchildren and with our families. We will be willing to say "I Love You" often, we will be willing to speak the things of our hearts so that they will forever be known and understood. We will help and support one another. We will make choices that have meaning to our eternal progression.

We will be faithful, prayerful, have hope, AND, we will be mindful of the numerous tender mercies that the Lord has in store for us.

"The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works." Psalms 145:9