Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving....here and gone so quickly, but I find that there are still many things to be thankful and even better, grateful for.

In the last few weeks we have had Rick(y)'s, Katie's and Cam's birthdays, remembered Rick's birthday, remembered my parent's birthdays, remembered the passing of my Mom and Rick's Dad and had Thanksgiving. All of which keeps us focused on family and the gratitude we all have for each other.

We are missing a major part of our family this year with Rick's passing...oh how we all miss him. I am glad that we feel at ease enough in our home and association with family to be open with all the things we remember and associate him with in our every day activities. It keeps him close to us and appreciating all of his great characteristics. Sometimes it makes me feel pretty small in comparison and hoping that I can in some small way and some day, measure up.

We are grateful for those who spent their lives leading, guiding and supporting us through all of our life's experiences. Our parents. What an indelible impression they have left on us. Our children revere their grandparents as great and have a deep abiding love for each of them that they knew and are looking forward to a day when they meet those we speak of that went on before.

We are grateful for the abilities we have to provide for ourselves and to find enjoyment in the things we do. I am grateful for children who are goal-oriented, who want to serve and to make a difference in the world.

I am grateful for children who love me, through my imperfections and are patient with my learning, as I move into a different phase of my life. I am grateful for grandchildren who love me no matter what and are sensitive to the need for "I love you's" and give them freely.

I am grateful for friends, co-workers and family who sincerely care and on whom I could call if there is a need to do so.

I am eternally grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, for His atonement, which I have learned first hand, is for us all. I heard someone talking of a book regarding the every day application of the atonement and how it had made them see that the atonement is more than a pathway to repentance.....I thought to myself that I was happy that they had found that knowledge, but I bore testimony to myself that I had felt it, and although it was a difficult set of experiences that brought me to that point, that feeling of a loving brother...caring enough about all of us, to atone for us, to experience all in our behalf..is a gift beyond words on a page. Gratitude seems not enough to in any way repay that gift.

It is fitting that Thanksgiving precedes the celebration of the birth of our Savior..it is a time to reflect upon those things that are most important. Our gratitude is strong as a family for this influence in our lives. As we reflect on our blessings, we hope to keep remembering and have a spirit about us of Thanksgiving...and GRATITUDE.

Gifts of Joy

It has been a most beautiful fall season. There have been some surprises that are not often seen. I have been entertained by nature, which in turn has made me more aware and appreciative of the gifts of God.

One evening about a month ago, I was leaving work after a rainy day. It had been a little dark and a lot wet all day. As I was walking to my car, I looked to the east at the mountains and saw a most brilliant rainbow, then as I watched it, it became even more bright and clear and then a second rainbow arched above the first. It's span was the "Y" mountain and it seemed to begin and end in the foothills of that mountain range that frames our valley, our home.

Several evenings as I have rounded the top of the hill to enter Grand Avenue and as I look to the west over the edge of the hill to catch a view of the lake with the evening sun resting on it....there have been some incredible sunsets. Just Friday, the sky had been dark off and on all day. The sky had opened exposing some sun and patches of blue sky and some increased warmth. As I made that same turn at the top of the hill...I looked out to a heavy dark cloud that weighed heavy across the entire western horizon...leaving enough sky to see orange light reflecting off the lake and about a quarter of the way up in the picture of my sky. Very different with great contrast.

Making that same turn as I go down the hill, I can look out over Provo and see the colors of the changing foliage, golden mostly, contrasted with green and a little red. Always a few sunflowers along the side of the road trying valiantly to survive early frosts to dance again for one more day. I always hope for an extension of Fall...it is a balm to my soul. Katie asked me the other day if I had noticed an increase in these beautiful "gifts"...and I have. I think she was asking if Dad was "painting us a rainbow..." I hope so, because...I like to think that he knows what we need and can deliver a little joy in the journey....helping us to learn to dance again.

Switching scenes, another view I had this weekend was that of a Grandfather, sitting in his lawn chair, right in the middle of the lawn, with a patch of sun warming he and his 3-4 year old grandson who was running and playing in the yard. I saw the sun glint off the silver of the grandfather's hair to catch my attention to the moment when the child, pausing from his running and playing to stop at the side of his Grandfather and give him a huge hug! So much expressed in such a few seconds. Another gift that was bittersweet as I thought of Jakie hugging his beloved Grandpa and the wonderful bond that existed there. I hope Ricky and the other grandchildren to follow can understand how very much they are loved by this same Grandpa that Jakie loved so fiercely. I hope those to come will have been loved before and sent on their way knowing that feeling.....and remember.

So for me, I have learned that there are gifts such as these to add richness to our lives and joy to our journey, ....if we are watching...
Sometimes, if we are too busy or have too many worries that cloud our view...we'll miss them and then they may be lost to us. I am trying to adjust my view to include recognition of these and other gifts of the spirit, they are priceless and the giver is one who cares to assure us with experiences that allow that joy to be had as we travel along the course of our day to day lives.

Flu Season....

It is interesting how one views the world when thinking about the flu pandemic. Hand hygiene becomes more and more important...family wellness is a top priority. Jake and Sarah and Rick have all been sick...I worry, they are in the high risk age group for H1N1 flu...so I at least tell them they should have shots and be careful around illness.

Then Rick called yesterday and the usual lusty voice of little Ricky was raspy and hoarse...and a bit wheezy. It made me worry all night and day...he has croup, but still I worry that he does not have an underlying flu or any other deep respiratory illness. I feel pretty helpless trying to give asked for advice from clear across the country. They are out of my reach and my ability to help.

So I try to focus on the things I can control, but still there are many things that I can't....above and beyond the flu. The precariousness of humans vs flu reminds me we are vulnerable to many things in this world, many of which are not in our control...so I'll wash my hands, try not to touch my face, cough into my sleeve; try to keep all the surfaces clean temporally and spiritually and hopefully keep myself and my family away from the temporal and spiritual pandemic.

Our prayers go out to all our friends and family...stay well everyone and get better little Ricky!

Replaying the pictures in my mind....

Over many days that have turned into weeks, I keep playing pictures of Rick over and over in my mind. Days where there has been much sunshine and happiness and some where were have experienced emotional storms keep playing and replaying in my mind as if to change something that will help me understand the emotions that churn inside me and in our family.

Some that seem to stick:

When Rick and Jakie said good-bye to their Dad and wonderful Grandpa several weeks before we too said goodbye.

Rick's visits with his friends and neighbors over the last few weeks of his life, giving an experience not to be forgotten.

Family gatherings where the brothers talk for hours

Brothers and sisters at his bedside

Visiting with the young men who came as priesthood holders to bless the sacrament for him, he still taught them with his love and gratitude for them, as he had done in previous years.

The helplessness on all of our faces as we faced the reality of our place, as Rick progressed.

His strength in passing along his message to ward members on Easter Sunday...the atonement being a major theme, as it always found its way to his lessons, his gentle testimony shining through.

Jakie's innocent acceptance that Grandpa is now living with Heavenly Father...but he slips from time to time and wants to talk to Grandpa on the phone....I am sure Grandpa would love to talk to him.

The look on Rick's face when he heard the voices of Jake, Rick and Sarah for the last time...softening with his love for them.

Sitting in the recliner with Jake reading Orange Monster or If I Obey....

Playing Cub Scouts with Jakie

Pensiveness as he realized that time was getting short.

Final Priesthood blessings

And, although I was not there, in my mind's eye I see him standing in the Kirtland temple singing "The Spirit of God Like a Fire is Burning..."

Or enjoying peaceful music as he looked toward heaven, maybe there was more to see and hear for him.

Or telling me, from his vantage point, that my face looked pretty today...

Teasing one of the little great nephews/nieces or checking in with their mom or dad..caring and loving.

And the list goes on and on and on....may the memory always be sweet and clear and comforting.

The last three weeks have been a blur in many ways. As we experienced the passing of our Husband, Father and Friend, we were unprepared for the total emotion of it all. We have determined that no matter how much we think we are prepared, it becomes new and unplowed ground when those moments arrive.

The day of Rick's passing was quiet in many ways. It began with visits from his mother and siblings who were on their way to a family reunion, offering hugs and tender words of love, knowing it may be the last time they would speak to him during this mortal existence. A close cousin dropped by on his way as well, Rick wa.s able to say "questionnaire"...wondering what the content of that was for the reunion...he knew of the spirited discussion that these questions always brought. Ron left a copy that we later read.

The day then became more quiet, Cam and I spent time with Rick that morning. Rick was a little restless and really wanted to stand up, I thought that maybe he was so tired of the bed that he wanted some relief from laying down. Now, I look back and wonder if he wanted to stand in reverence to those who would greet him as he passed to the other side of the veil.

When I came down that morning, although he was having difficulty putting sentences together, he told me, "Your face is pretty today." Probably the last compliment I'l have of that nature from my best cheerleader.

We read, we listened to beautiful music and he was quiet and contemplative. He seemed to be between here and there, sliding back and forth on the notes of the music he loved. I talked, he listened.

His physical body was giving up, when it became clear, I'll not forget the despair in Cam's face, utter helplessness. Then, as we called Katie home from work, again despair, saddness, pure anguish. As we called Rick and Sarah and Jakie, there was recognition, and peace in Rick's countenance, and pure love as he turned to Jakie's voice for the last time.

Tender mercies abound in our lives. Boyd arrived at the exact time when we would need his broad shoulders to help support us. Our Bishop was near and able to respond to us quickly. We had just what we needed when we needed it. Rick was calm and seemed to be out of pain...a relief to all of us...those final moments of passing were seemingly smooth. Although we were very sad, there was comfort in knowing where he was and who he was with to love and support him and that he was out of pain and discomfort that had been a part of his mortal life for months and in reality, years.

How grateful we are as a family to know that there is a place that continues beyond this life, a place of love, peace and reward for a faithful life, well-lived. If not for that sure knowledge, we would not have been able to endure the pain of loss. With the Lord's help and His mercies, we will.

Bittersweet...

Whenever one comes to the end of an experience there are mixed feelings. When Rick(y) finished a school year there was a sense of accomplishment, yet a sadness for the things that he would never experience again. On Friday, July 24, Rick, our husband and father came to the end of his mortal test.

Peace AND Quiet

Several times over the last few weeks people have come to visit us and had mentioned that they felt a great peace in our home. It happened again yesterday. It makes me happy that they feel that as they enter here.



Sometimes I have wondered whether My mother and Dad and Rick's Dad are near us, watching our progress from the other side of the veil. I have not had any earth-shattering experience other than I know my Mom can feel my pain. She went through a similar experience before me and her mother before her, both at younger ages with younger families than we have. I want to have them near to support and strengthen us. Their examples show us that we can pass through this experience in one piece. I have not expected any visions, or spoken words to let me know of their presence here. I don't think the Lord works that way very often....but I have come to the conclusion that the peace in our home exists because of Heavenly Father's spirit and possibly the protection our our guardian angels and maybe the angels come as those who continually serve us and love us on both sides of the veil. One more tender mercy that we have not asked for, but have been blessed with anyway.



Through priesthood blessings, Rick has been promised that he can attend to us after he reaches the other side. A blessing given to the faithful. It has been his greatest regret that he will miss important events in our lives. If he could choose his assignment in the hereafter, he might choose to work in the nursery...to hug and love any more babies before they come to our families, he has so missed the opportunity to hug and love baby Ricky, his namesake. But there may be more to do than he has time to get to....leaving us for a time with the peace that the Gospel and the Plan of Salvation brings to our family as we prove our faith.



The months ahead may prove to be quiet, and hopefully will remain peaceful. I'll be grateful for that, and hope for a glimpse of the peace eternal bonds bring.

Grace

What is Grace? Now an again popular name, I can think of any number of little girls it belongs to and yet, there is another meaning that goes way beyond the name given to a new little spirit arriving from Heavenly Father.

In our challenges throughout life, it is my desire to live with grace, to experience joy and sorrow, strength and weakness...with grace. In my half-century of living, there have been many times where grace would be the optimal approach to working through problems that occur in my own or my family's life. I have not always achieved it. I pour emotion into my living. I have my highs and my lows. During those experiences, I know I am in charge of my response, but I am not always convinced I give it my best effort.

I strive for grace in living, while experiencing life. It is part of the test.

Time here....

"Time here is measured in relationships, in helping friends and family, not in objects obtained."
Angela Nelson, artist.

Although this quote was taken from an entirely different context, it impressed me for a different reason than the author intended. She was talking about pioneers in Ghana.

I was snapped back into my family's current challenge. Over the last month, we have been caring for Rick at home, with one brief hospitalization. Things have not been easy, we have all had our ups and downs. We have learned, we have progressed, but we have not perfected...not yet.

During the month, I have been impressed by people that have in some way been partners in relationships with Rick over the years. They have stretched as far back as childhood friends, to people who have worked with and for him, to people and professionals who have cared for him, to people who have sung with him, to wonderful neighbors, to many extended family members, to friends of mine, who first knew me and then loved him.

It has been a constant outpouring of love and devotion.

As I watch these tender moments as these kindred spirits visit with him, I am reminded of his impact upon many and how his life will be measured. It will not be measured in possessions, but in love unfeigned. It will be measured in his gentle service to his profession, to family, to friends and to total strangers. Many of those people will be waiting on the other side to thank him for his gentle caring for each of them in their time of need.

May our lives be so measured....

As time goes...

It has been a month since my last posting, not because we have experienced less or or that we have disinterest, but just trying to keep from drowning in reality. Yes, sometimes reality is something I'd like to take a vacation from, but in doing so would lose precious time. So day to day, we are all trying hard to keep on going, putting one foot in front of the other and keeping control of this emotionally charged situation we are living.

It has been a month since we officially stopped chemotherapy...realizing that it was causing physical debilitation and yes danger to Rick's life. The Oncologist felt that even one more treatment would be more than Rick"s body could handle. So, we made the decision to cease and desist in barraging his body with the caustic drugs.

Then the decisions to come...I don't think we realized the emotional hit we were going to take. Although some may think differently, I am a nurse, I help to "fix." It is foreign to my focus to let go of curing and move into palliative care (symptom management). That coupled with fear and loss makes for a time when emotion runs amuk and although we want to be our best selves at this time, I am often frustrated and impatient...but mostly sad....which tends to come out as frustration and impatience...and yes anger at the whole situation. (All normal emotions according to great intellectual experts)

Then as the clouds break and the sun comes peeking through...We are surrounded by people who care for us all and would do about anything to help. I am at a loss to be able to tell them how to help, but knowing they are there and they love us all is comforting. They all help by their offers of support and prayers the very most. It is easy to feel alone in all this, but just stepping outside the door, or to the computer or answering phone calls, helps me to know that the Lord is merciful in sending people to our side quickly to bail us out of near rock-bottom...just in time. Then He who can support us in ways not always realized by us mere mortals, is a prayer away and the Comforter not far behind.

Although the comfort is strong, I also experience anguish as time goes. As I watch my children work hard to help and support in any way possible...I sit at their feet learning from the compassion they show without reservation, without analysis...just love. But I feel helpless when I see their tears spill over and the emotion of everything become just too much for a minute in time. I anguish for the future, when we will not have the support of an understanding leader of our family. I anguish for the loss of a relationship that has always supported me no matter what. I anguish for the grandchildren to come who will not know their loving grandfather. I now understand my own mother's talking often about her loving husband lost to her and us many years before our marriages and grandchildren...her need for us to know our Dad and Grandfather although he had moved on to the other side of the veil. But most of all I anguish in the here and now as Rick suffers, how I wish that somehow, I could take that trial away. It seems that it isn't a part of the plan. That is another thing I am learning...we have to take the test and live the plan.

As time goes by, I hope that we will continue to pull together as a family and rally round our love, our leader and support him. Because although we are experiencing the hardest challenge we have ever had as a family, it is important that we count our minutes and hours and days as a time that is not lost, includes no regrets and is sweet with the spirit... through it all.

Spring....

Spring....

We so enjoyed the few days of Spring that we had this week. But, alas as Spring comes so does the rain...in more ways than just getting wet. The rain does wash things clean just as some of our difficulties are trying to put us through the refiners fire and make us a little cleaner before our Father....

Sometimes I pass that test, and sometimes I fail miserably. Patience is something that has not come easily for me throughout life and certainly that trait has not changed now. Maybe it is the thing I need to learn along with a great deal of endurance and putting my trust in He that knows all good things.

I just read a little about the hymn, Be Still My Soul....it was a favorite hymn of Eric Liddlle, runner who did not run on the sabbath during an Olympic race...we know of him through "Chariots of Fire" The end of his story is interesting. He becomes a missionary and eventually is imprisoned during WW II. During his time there he teaches this hymn to comfort those with whom he rubs shoulders in the camp. When all else seems hopeless and uncontrollable...this is a glimmer of hope in the spirit of eternal things. He eventually dies in the camp, a victim of a brain tumor...something very uncontrollable, even for his captors.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know

His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,

And all is darkened in the vale of tears,

Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,

Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay

From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord.

When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past

All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise

On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;

Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,

So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.

Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine

Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Katharina A. von Schlegel (1752)

"Thy hope thy confidence let nothing shake"

...that is my motto this Spring as we rejoice in it's newness and the hope of a brighter tomorrow, through Him who has traveled this road for us all before.

The Perverbial "Bungee Cord"

Once again, we have experienced the opportunity to become more hopeful about Rick's treatments, the recent drug addition appeared to have drastically reduced the tumor marker...but after the second treatment, it went back up half way (so yes I am happy it isn't as high as it was, but I am left wondering if the first test was an error or just what...)

So here we are, going through some terrifically yucky side-effects from the new drug and hoping against hope that it works to some degree. We always question in the back of our minds...what would things be like if we didn't have the chemo on board...worse?? same without the side effects?? or perish the thought, better?? So many questions and not as many answers. Actually treatment is trial and error...trying everything that is supposed to work and hoping like crazy that it does. At the beginning of the week, just prior to therapy, nausea kicked in again w/some vomiting...all that doesn't make sense in the order of things...should be decreased right before treatment...but the Dr. said that "maybe that gall bladder IS causing some nausea"...ya think? We keep on plugging away and hope we are going in the right direction with everything!

Everyone has been so kind, so concerned and wanting so badly to do something to help. Honestly I don't know just what that is, but I do appreciate the offers of prayers..because honestly, faith and hope are what we have that we can be sure of. After listening to the first two sessions of conference...there are some things I need to get straightened around with "exactness" .... I am certainly not perfect and need to improve myself a lot more....the other words that sunk in with great power were "endure it well..." I keep working on that!

I love my family, and I am certainly glad that we are bound together by something greater than that bungee cord...there is only progression in store for us all...hopefully we don't fall back too much in that much more important goal of attaining eternal life..love to all.

Sun on my face...

There is something about Spring and newness and sun on my face and warmth in the air that has improved my spirits these last few days. I love looking out of my window at work to see the sun, and then when I am going between buildings...I have a chance to feel it. I love going home when it is still light and enjoying a quick walk to the corner w/Rick.

Spring is something that I have looked forward to with great anticipation...I have always loved it, but as with many things these days...now I love it more. It is crucial to me to see something improve. This winter has seemed so dirty and dark and as the snow has melted, there has been tremendous dirt piles left behind. Cam did me the favor of sweeping out the gutters in front and cleaning up the yard...it made me feel better immediately.

Spring should also bring about new goals and a way to accomplish them with renewed efforts. I am generating a list...first of which is to enjoy something every day. Nature never seems to leave me without something to enjoy...today it was the tremendously green water in the lake, freshly turned earth and Mom's daffodils, crocuses, tulips and hyacinths still working hard to provide some brightness to her yard, even though she is not here to enjoy it. I am sure she is experiencing the brightness of the sun on her face in another place and sending the sun my way!

Happy Spring, I hope you experience some re-birth and happiness in it.

Time...as it goes

It seems redundant to say once again, where does the time go? I have a new appreciation for time, but it still seems to slip through my fingers without a hitch. Life is interesting, we spend it anticipating and waiting for the "events" ....then as we progress through our lives...even though we still anticipate, there is more of an appreciation of the "now events" I can't say that I don't wish for some days to be done, but then when I realize that whatever stressors the day has brought, I can't get the day back, I can't change things that have occurred. So, I sleep on it and try to wake up to a clean slate and a new opportunity to make a difference in some way.

The other thing that occurs to me is that there is more to life than slogging through the days. All of our days are precious at this point in our lives. I struggle to make them memorable, more than a list of to-do's. This is the point at which I wish I was more of an entertainer, socializer...we are too quiet and lost in our worries..we need to enjoy our days...OK a new resolve...find one thing to celebrate each day!

I do spend a part of each day being grateful...it is not hard to find a long list of people and experiences that help me remember who is in charge, who loves us and who is guiding us through the rapids. I have to remember that when I have done all I can do, the rest is made up by He who knows and loves. Knowing that is easy, being sure to live as an example of one who knows is more difficult.

As we awake to a new day, full of anticipation to have all of our family here together once again, I celebrate the softness and pleasure that a certain 4 year old will bring to the faces of a care-worn group of adults...we will enjoy every minute of time together, because, this is time we will not get back.

30 years of Birthday's

30 years ago, about this time...I was really beginning to want Rick to show an interest in me...we had spent lots of time together, mostly in groups or at least a threesome of Rick, Tom and myself. Now things were taking a turn, but as my usual doubting self...I wasn't sure he even really cared about me in any long-term way. Then there was a turning point....late on Valentine's Day of 1979, Rick came to my house and gave me a birthday card, you know, one of those sappy types that you can buy at the grocery store. (My Birthday is in August) He had crossed out the word "Birthday" and written in "Valentine's" and signed his name...I don't remember the content, just the experience and to know that he was caring enough to give me a birthday-valentine. Now I know him well enough to realize that was a HUGE step for Rick and an initial committment of sorts....

30 years later, I still love his quirky little ways...he has improved in his gift selection and accolades at Valentine's, but that first Valentine's will forever be etched in my memory as the day when I knew he liked me....I won't admit how long it was before we were officially engaged!

Happy Birthday Everyone!

One liners from a 4 year old...

Jake is an incredible child....and has an interesting thought process. That said, I'll give an example. Last night as Rick was talking to Jake on the phone, he asked him how his pre-school was that day, there was a pause and Jake responded: "I dropped out!" Rick's thinking, wow a pre-school drop out. Then Jake proceeded to say that there were not any lights....so he didn't go to pre-school. Then Jakie said some other stuff that was said so quickly that he couldn't be understood. So when Rick(y) got back on the phone it turns out they had had wind storms that sported winds up to 92 miles per hour. There were power outages and pre-school was canceled for the day..thus Jake's "drop-out" status. We think that he will be back in pre-school by next Tuesday...whew!

What I loved most about that story is watching Grandpa's face soften and be so happy and the cares of the world melt away when he talks about Jakie! Thank Heaven for little boys......

Today is the beginning of a new month and almost a month has gone by since my last post....time keeps going no matter how much we want it to slow down and sometimes even to stop for a breather. We have passed throught the first month of a new year and hopefully have been refined a little more. Last week in RS, we were taught that through the refiner's fire, we may become personally sanctified. In the course of many years and many lessons that have referred to personal refinemen through trials and tests, I had not thought of that next step of sanctification.

We have experienced a few more bumps in the road with Rick's hospitalization on December 29 with a generalized infection. Turns out it was a septic shock secondary to Gall Bladder disease. Nothing to do with Cancer, but complicated by it. Once the gall bladded was identified as the culprit, there were decisions to make. Due to recent chemo, history of blood clots, extensive scarring from previous surgery...he did not have the option of surgery to remove the offensive organ....so with the current technology, they were able to drain the gall bladder and push stones through the common bile duct and give him some relief. On January 6th, he was able to come home.

We have seen specialists, generalists, and have tried hard to coordinate all things that occur. Then, last week, the news came that the first round of chemo drugs were only effective for a few weeks, and that the cancer has continued to spread. As Rick(y) put it, it was almost harder to bear that news than the original diagnosis. Then in the process of trying to change over to a different drug regimen, the implanted IV line (port) has decided (yes it does have a mind of its own) to become touchy. So now the process to see if it is in fact working correctly. We pray that it will not need to be replaced, and that we can get on with the new chemo.

A NEW Year!

The Christmas holiday was filled with family and I do believe that although sedate and adult, we enjoyed our time together. Thanks to Katie and Cam, we got the shopping done and things taken care of that there was not time nor energy for Rick and I to do. Thanks to them....we even had our gifts wrapped :) AND, our Christmas was white, lots of snow reminding us of times past when the winters were always packed with snow and ice....I could do without the ice part.

As we approached the new year, there was some exhaustion on the side of the parents in this house and by Monday, Rick was incredibly ill. We arrived at the emergency room to find that he had an overwhelming infection going on and was septic. The rest is almost history. He is about to experience day 7 in the hospital where we have been trying to treat the infection (that turned out to be originating in the gall bladder) without surgery. He experienced procedure #2 yesterday, hopefully we are on the road to recovery today.

So what have we learned this week? That even though there are tremendous bumps in the road, there can always be more...so for now, we will be happy to keep the ones we've got. I am sure that there are many more important lessons that I have yet to see clearly...but I am watching carefully. Sometimes I think that I am a slow learner, so more opportunites tend to come.

Above all we are grateful for family and friends who continue to support us and love us, even when we aren't too loveable. May the Lord bless them all for doing so.

So off we go to experience a new year, my hope for our family is that we become refined and sensitive to others' needs so that when we are again able to put forth great efforts to serve, we can do so with strength and understanding.

Happy New Year!