Christmas Thoughts

Welllllll....Christmas really is here, just a few days or "sleeps." (the kids used to countdown that way.) Without the laughter of Jakie, it proves to be a sedate-adult kind of a day. We hope to be able to make the computer a part of our day to see him and his child-like joy. This will actually be the first Christmas of his 4 that we haven't had him here....he and ihis mom and dad of course....will be missed.

On the other hand, we are glad and grateful that we have all four of the rest of our family present in our home, it has been a blessing for us. Between the four of us, we can come up with a list of blessings that have been given to us by our Savior, whose life we celebrate at this time. As we look toward our future, we know He is with us by our sides, every step of the way. There are times when I have to remind myself of that fact, over and over. On that basis, I am grateful for the Christmas season that provides me with visual and musical reminders of that fact. I know he lives and loves us and knows we can withstand the challenges and yes, sometimes obstacles that we have before us. May we do so gracefully and full of gratitude.

Is it Christmas Already?

I can't believe it is soon to be Christmas...the last two months have flown by, well, wait a minute...some things have dragged, some things have been a blurrrr, and probably some things I have missed altogether. Nonetheless, Christmas is coming, ready or not!

A friend e-mailed me earlier this week and said with quite a bit of sarcasm, that she was up early the day after Thanksgiving, wondering if I was already out shopping. She said that I provided her with a smile at 4 in the morning. Anyone who knows me well, knows only too well that I am generally not much of a shopper and that my Christmas shopping is usually done between the 20th and 25th of December...and wrapping it all...well that's another story for another day.

An update on our family:

Rick has completed his 4th round of Chemo this week. He is starting to dread going to the clinic and being poked and prodded and then he starts thinking about how he feels afterward...let's say this, he doesn't warmly anticipate this process every other week. Some of the lab tests (cancer markers) are coming down, which is a good thing, but as with anything medical, there are many unknowns. He is eating some and not losing weight at the rapid pace that he was and he is sleeping....so we are feeling better about those things.

Katie is keeping busy taking care of Rick's every need, she is a little like a doberman that way, fiercely protective...she knows what he is doing every minute! (It is a comfort to know she is in charge when I am not here) She is working a little and planning her Spring semester and getting ready to be very poor (after tuition is paid). I have learned in my longer life that education is really never wasted...and believe it or not, learning invigorates a person. That's my hope for her in January. Rick and I hate to see her put life on hold because if you know Katie, you know she has always been so full of life!

Cam has been juggling jobs, applications for school, getting refunds and documentation from Utah State and trying to settle in back in Provo. He too has been a great support and is a bit on the too serious side. I think he has been glad he made the choice to come home, but he misses his friends and the social life that he had at Utah State. It is hard to come back to "boring" at home. He is now working at UVRMC as a PCA, just completing the training this week. He has enjoyed the work. He is still trying to work prn at Jamestown. He enjoys most of the residents there and easily develops relationships with them...one thing about it, they don't mince any words. On his shift Thursday, a resident asked if he was married, when he replied that he wasn't, she told him he better hurry up because he was losing his hair. Well, if you know Cam, that touched a sore spot for him (at least about the hair..not sure about the marriage part!) He too has been a great help to all of us. He is beginning to see me coming with things I need him to do...but most of the time, he just does it as a part of his "schedule and planning."

Rick, Sarah and Jakie have settled back into life in Pittsburgh. They are looking at being away for Christmas for the first time since they married almost 6 years ago. Sarah is struggling with morning-sickness, but trying to focus on the end-reward. Their new baby will come in June sometime. Jake is terribly missed in this house. We try to keep in touch with phone calls, but it isn't the same as having him want to sleep (or jump) in your bed or play any number of imagination games with you..funny while on the phone or computer he wants you to see whatever he has in his hand or in his mind....after having spent a month here, he often says he wants to come "over" to our house. He forgets that it takes a day on planes to get "over" here. Rick is doing well w/his fellowship and is learning every day and yet still making a great contribution to the organization.

Rick is balancing appointments, medicines, paperwork and monitoring potential sales of business property...trying to simplify our lives a little. He really is great to try to keep going when the going is tough, I do believe it helps the psyche....however, he hasn't gotten up enough energy to get the Christmas decorations out....we would like a good Christmas fairy to come and decorate for us...somehow that process does not get simplified over time. Most of the time, the down sides are balanced with the good and he is handling things pretty well....

As for me, I continue to go to work, and try like crazy to be effective there and escape from time to time for Rick's appts where I can. I miss the frenzy of school and the learning that goes with that. I miss the primary kids. I am grateful for the friends and neighbors that are so graciously serving us. If you know me well, you know that is probably the most difficult thing for me...to allow others to serve. That is one of my challenges for now. I am amazed at all those who sincerely want to serve...and those who just do what they can. Example: Our next door neighbors bring us dinner every Thursday night...they are so sweet to us. When I look at them in their late 80's...I am glad their are willing and able to serve...I think often it is I that should be helping and serving them.

Well, off to my Saturday...it is going to be packed with activity...for you who might read this, thank you all for your prayers. That is the thing that keeps us going, knowing that there are so many people who petition our Heavenly Father regularly on our behalf...may we be worthy of those prayers and the beneficiaries of the blessings sent.

Where does time go? Especially when it is so precious..

Halloween and the events of the last post seem far away! The last week has brought another round of chemo for Dad and all the not-so-fun effects of it. Yesterday marked 6 weeks of knowing about and trying to treat his Cancer. It has been a roller-coaster of emotions. Seems like just when things seem to be improving, and hope is budding, we come crashing down again with some little (or big) down-turn. It is difficult to keep emotions in check and sometimes they come out in all the wrong ways. I was just reading about how the positive effects of hope and attitude that are believed to help in this whole situation. One quote was that hope and being positive is like religion, a personal belief. I know that my religion matters, so should my hope and yes, sometimes my pleading.

A friend of mine had this to say about our particular challenge:

"The outcome of your current health challenge is already determined and you will be blessed greatly for passing through this with faith and courage."

I have thought a lot about Heavenly Father knowing the outcome and His care and concern for us at this time. I have also felt the closeness of those who love us on the other side of the veil. There is concern felt and wishes that they could alleviate the pain of it all. And, on this side of the veil, there are many who continue to be concerned and express their love for Rick and for our family. Even last night, Rick took a call from Katie's mission president who had rec'd the word that Katie had deferred her call. He left a sweet message of love with us and an open invitation and open arms for her to come when she can. Can we really ask for more? Yes, I can ask for more faith in Heavenly Father's plan for us....it is needed.

Halloween n' Stuff

Wow, this last week has been a whirlwind of events. Most fun had to be Jake and Halloween...Jake was Mr. Incredible (prounounced Mr. Credible) and had a marvelous time. His enthusiasm is difficult, if not impossible to describe...no matter what it is he is excited about. He was excited to wear his costume (not so excited to wear the mask, so I did (see the pic), so excited to trick-or-treat; so excited to answer Grandmother's door and give kids candy either out of the bowl or out of his own stash it didn't matter. But he was profuse with the compliments, my personal favorite was, "oooohhhh, you look sooo pretty" It was an appreciative compliment and gave me a glimpse into the future when he has a pretty princess on his arm. But for now, he was excited to eat about everything in his little pumpkin in a few hours...probably a good thing.

We have had everyone here this week under one roof...what a blessing! Rick has been here since Wednesday and I have appreciated his efforts to come and be here for a few days...it has been good for him and good for us. I am sure it is hard to leave his little family here for another two weeks, but hopefully he can work hard and get things ready for their return. They are talking about moving from their apartment....I would hate thinking about it (not because it is an amazing apt, but just the packing and moving AND in winter). But they are young and seem not to be bothered by the prospect, they have gotten a taste of what the utility bills are like and it isn't pretty, apparently their apt is not well insulated....decisions, decisions. I hate to see Rick leave, I feel like we haven't had much chance to talk...but time flies and he leaves in an hour or so...and so the day goes. Cam works, Katie takes Dad in for Chemo, I work and Sarah takes Rick to the airport...a busy day. And life goes on.....

It is good to know that when we all return from things today that we will be met by the excited voice of a three year old...we are trying not to count the days before we won't hear it except over the phone for a few seconds...we have seen how busy he is and how quickly he likes to get on and off the phone...puts life into perspective and we see what we are asking him to do every day when he's not here. But we'll still need our "Jakie fix" each day.

Today we vote. That's about all I can say, except that when I reviewed the sample ballot, there were some other options for President that I wasn't aware of, maybe I'll do a little research :) (Although, I think I can eliminate Ralph Nader) We are in for some rocky years I think, I guess we hang on for the ride and see what 4 years brings for us in our country.

Is this post is eclectic enough????...Katie says this is my journal...and that's about what it is.

Gratitude

Yesterday I realized that it was one month ago today that Rick had surgery to define the challenges he will have for the rest of his life...made me wonder what we have accomplished and if we've grown the way we should over the last month. We have certainly been blessed by many caring family and friends who have helped in many ways, most frequently by their quiet prayers. As Rick returned from surgery again today (to place a port line)..I wondered, where the month had gone and if we were improved people. There is always a way to be better...we have decided we have many ways to grow!

We have certainly been busy. Cam has moved home and has secured two part-time jobs and is calling this his "summer" He will be picking up one or two online classes to fill some requirements that are added in his planned transfer to BYU this Spring/Summer. He has been busily planning with counselors etc. to organize his continued education. He has been a tremendous help to us in the last month! We are sad he had to interrupt his educational plans, but glad he is here.

Katie has also made some very difficult decisions. She rec'd her mission call to Oakland, California. She has always wanted to be a California girl and this was her chance! After much counsel and prayer, she has decided to defer her call for a while to see how things work out here at home. She too has kicked into her organizing and care-taker role and has gone with Dad to appts etc. and filled in where I couldn't be there. Dad says that she is bossy, but that's in a good way. She keeps track of the details and makes sure that everyone is taking the best care of him that they should. We love and appreciate her for that...again we are sad that the immediate plans in her life are on hold...we want the best for her and want her to continue progressing in her happiness!

Sarah and Jake came last Wednesday, a day late d/t Jake's fall down their stairs and his subsequent ER visit to set and cast his broken arm. He was in pain for a couple of days, but since then, he hardly knows he is casted from his fingers to high on his upper arm. He has been a ray of sunshine and he and grandpa have been playing cub-scout and camping...where have all my flashlights gone????? Rick was not able to come as planned, but deferred his trip until yesterday. It is good to have everyone under one roof again. We'll have that for at least a few days. We are grateful for their little family and for the second grandchild that will join us in the early summer. We pray for Sarah and her ability to be healthy and strong in body and spirit. We constantly pray for Rick's continued success and ability to care for his family. Funny how you never quite feel that you aren't totally responsible for those things anymore....We love and appreciate them all!

So if I were to summarize my month, the word that comes to mind is Gratitude...so much to be grateful for...even challenges that smooth our rough edges...We love our family!

....Jakie....

Jakie called tonight and guess what he sang to me??? A Child's Prayer, with a pretty good semblance of the tune. Could be with a little help from his Dad, but again, music soothes my soul.

Music of my heart...

Today in Primary, we happened to sing "A Child's Prayer" For those who may not remember the words here they are some of them...

Heavenly Father, are you really there?
And do you hear and answer ev’ry child’s prayer?
Some say that heaven is far away,
But I feel it close around me as I pray.
Heavenly Father, I remember now
Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:
“Suffer the children to come to me.”
Father, in prayer I’m coming now to thee.

Pray, he is there;
Speak, he is list’ning.
You are his child;
His love now surrounds you.
He hears your prayer;
He loves the children.
Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heav’n.
(Words and music: Janice Kapp Perry, b. 1938)

Those words spoke to my fragile heart today. My 9-year old primary boys probably wondered what on earth was the matter with me, but in fact, the windows of heaven opened for a moment and comforted me with the words...and His spirit, His love did surround me.

Yesterday, I was driving toward Dad's funeral and heard an instrumental version of "Dearest Children, God is Near You." I was humming along when those words made me stand at attention.

Dearest Children, God is near you;
Watching o'er you day and night;
And delights to own and bless you;
If you try to do what's right.

He will bless you!
He will bless you!
If you put your trust in Him.

We have been laying our burdens at the Savior's feet and trusting in Him that he knows best and will help and support us. I felt that this song came to my mind as a witness to His promise to care for us. Another Tender Mercy.

Today as Katie contemplates her mission and when to go... again I was touched by music:

Do What is Right...#237
The third verse:
Do what is right, be faithful and fearless.
Onward, press onward the goal is in sight.
Eyes that are wet now ere long will be tearless.
Blessings await you in doing what's right!

Too many applications to be coincidence. My soul has been soothed by the music we love. I will never sing these songs in the same way again. I thank our Heavenly Father for his care and keeping of me this day as He always has. I wish it hadn't taken this sort of shock to help me remember who I am and who loves me and my family; and who will do about anything to calm a troubled heart. I love my Father in Heaven, and my brother, the Savior Jesus Christ.

What's the Plan?

The most common question to us right now is, "What's the plan?" We met last week with our Dr. who will be directing Rick's treatment. We feel good that he has done all of his homework and has consulted and presented all the facts to many who could give good input to this next step. We hope that early to mid-week that Rick will have had his first treatment. We feel fairly certain that the origin of the cancer is colon and we will treat that way. Although we don't look forward to the treatment itself, we are praying that it will be the right group of drugs. We have learned that there is not an exactness to the process like there would be if you had broken bones...when you hear "practicing medicine" sometimes that is just what it is...practicing until the right combination is found that helps to arrest his particular cancer. He will have a long-term IV access line placed this week and then we'll be good to go with the first treatment. Keep us and our caregivers in your thoughts and prayers.

As we meet this challenge, we have so appreciated all of the family, friends and neighbors that have stepped forward to show support and offer prayers...we love you all and love that you are willing to keep us in your prayers...we need every one.

....Tender Mercies......

Our lives have dramatically changed in the last 48 hours, and will likely never be the same. We have learned that our beloved husband and dad has cancer. We have all expressed to each other that these things happen to "other people" and never expected them to happen to us. We seem to have raised our hands somewhere before we came here to say that we would be glad to take on these challenges and life's lessons if we could only come, gain bodies, work hard at living the gospel and find joy in our existence here on earth.

As we have learned this news, we have been surrounded by angels both mortal and immortal and have experienced the tender mercies of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Though we have challenges ahead, we feel confident that with the help of those that the Lord places in our path, we can do this.

As Rick and I talked tonight, we don't know how much time we have, and I don't think that time will be measured in minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years. The way our time will be measured is in how we spend this next portion of our lives. We will spend it in deepening our relationships with each other, our children, grandchildren and with our families. We will be willing to say "I Love You" often, we will be willing to speak the things of our hearts so that they will forever be known and understood. We will help and support one another. We will make choices that have meaning to our eternal progression.

We will be faithful, prayerful, have hope, AND, we will be mindful of the numerous tender mercies that the Lord has in store for us.

"The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works." Psalms 145:9

Where did September Go?

Today I am home cleaning up my home-office and wondering what happened to the Month of September? I have now been back in school for a month and have spent most of my extra minutes in reading or studying...a boring existence for Rick...so he decided to spice up life and get sick...as we speak he is in the hospital, under the care of my new friends on the Medical floor. He has been there for nearly 48 hours and although he has been pumped full of good things like antibiotics, he is still feeling pretty puny and is maybe a teeny bit better...I guess we should be glad for that, but we both wanted a quicker turnaround....it is hard to watch him go down and be physically and emotionally spent. They are making sure he stays on clear liquids and doing all of the things the Dr. says...his Dr. has a habit of coming in at 10 p.m. so I never get to talk with him..so I have to take what Rick says and hope I get it all. Keep him in your prayers for all good things he needs right now!

Other than that, Katie turned 21 yesterday...where did 21 years go. I still remember the delivery room (yes a real delivery room with bright lights and hospital equipment) when they told me Katie was a girl...I remember saying..."Un- Uh!" Thought for sure I had another boy, but I had my sweet girl, who is full of spice! She has teased and loved her brothers fiercely, they don't have a greater fan. She has made me way proud of her in this month...she has had a challenge put before her and she has taken it on and won! It has been good to see her stick to her goals and work hard to achieve them. We celebrated on her birthday at Chef's table, her favorite place...she had chicken of course and a few bites of chocolate cake...she can't miss her favorite cake! We missed Dad though, he had chicken broth and jello. Thanks Katie for making my last 21 years eventful and fun!

We are missing Rick, Sarah and Jakie...for some reason, Pittsburgh seems way further away than Seattle. They are settling in and getting used to the new culture they find themselves in and are making friends and serving in their ward. They are also finding out what it is like to have Rick gone all day, coming home tired, and yet still having things to do at home...yes it is the real world. We are also missing Cam, back at school and hard at it! He works so hard I worry about him...Katie probably has it pegged, he is too much like me...so sorry Cam...I know I "freak out" as Katie puts it about school...so I don't have any room to talk...Keep all us "schoolies" in your prayers as well.

Well, that's us for now...hope time slows down a little, I am running hard and having a hard time catching up...

Where have I been????

Wow, what a busy time! In late August I started school again, then on Aug 30th we flew off to Pittsburgh for a few days visit with Rick and Sarah and Jakie, then back to catching up at work and really getting into school.

I have survived almost three weeks of school, and so far, am still passing stats! It is going to be a challenge of the first order. Hopefully I'll find some friends that will help me when the going gets tougher...(it's already tough). We have a field trip scheduled though...to Smith & Edwards in Ogden...ask me what we're going to do there.

Work has been extremely busy and I have been trying to catch up on all of the things that I didn't get done while out for 4 days (1 for school, 1 holiday and three other days)...there's one thing I gotta say: NO ONE DOES MY WORK WHILE I'M GONE. So it waits.

It was great to see the Rick, Sarah and Jake again. Jake has grown so much! I am always amazed at his adult conversation and his thought processes....he's a lot of fun, until he decides he can get away from you in a store and RUN...scares me to death! When they picked us up at the airport, I was the first one to the car, grandpa was still getting the luggage...Jake, true to his grandpa-fan form...said, "Hi Grandma, where's Grandpa???" He loves his grandpa!!!! Good thing the feeling is mutual....it was hard to come back as usual! We saw the sights of Pittsburgh, Gettysburg and even a little Amish country...and very impressive is the size of the company that Rick is working for...amazing the number of beds in a 5 block radius must be over 1,700-2000. Amazing...and 95% occupancy...crazy!!! After seeing that, I am glad for our measly 500-ish beds in our region. Whew!

Wherever we have been, we're back home now!

Good-bye to Summer, and other good-byes!

Today was my last day of freedom from the intensity of school, work and family all rolled together. Even though I had only one class this summer, I felt tied down. I expended a lot of energy to that one class...glad it's over. So I had three weeks where I had no school-work...it was great until the e-mails started coming to tell us what we needed to do before we arrive for our on-campus day on the 29th. The stress started seeping in. Today the classes are posted on-line and I was supposed to look through them all in great detail...I got about half-way through and decided that I wasn't going to do any more today...I was going to enjoy my last day and look at it again tomorrow..how's that for procrastination before I even start? So for entertainment we took Cam to Sam's club to shop for school ...protein bars...we have been shopping a little several times a week and he had it all in the garage...got loaded up by about 4 and took off for Logan....It is always hard to send him out the door to school...he is a great help to us and he even thinks we might still have some wisdom...sometimes.

So today, I said good-bye to summer and to Cam, for a while...funny how things are changing in life...pretty soon we'll be rattling around in the house by ourselves.....I'm not looking forward to that...but the good-byes are all for good reasons that will help us all grow....guess I'll have to get better at them and say hello to a new portion of living and learning.

Sunbeams

We have a great music leader in our Primary...she is doing amazing things with the kids....today we were waiting for all the classes to arrive for closing time, 5 little sunbeams (4 of them boys) stood shoulder to shoulder in front and sang "I am a Child of God"....it was sweet to say the least and I am sure will pop up in the Sacrament meeting program...out of the mouths of babes!

Then as I am closing my sabbath, I got a rousing rendition of "Called to Serve" from Jakie over the telephone. I bet there's not a more enthusiastic singer for that song....I can hear the intensity with which he does the actions...thank heavens for Skype ...I have also seen the power of the actions as well. And, again, there is power in that message....

The spirit of the children is something that many people miss...sorry, they just don't have it in Relief Society....

Waiting, waiting, waiting....

This week we have been waiting. Hopefully for a mission call for Katie, but instead, we waited to hear from her while she was vacationing w/cousins in So. California. She checked in and if she didn't her dad was calling...making sure she was OK...how in the world will he be able to send her on a mission? She came back in one piece, although quite scorched...pretty much the same color as a cooked lobster. Seems she has some bumps and bruises on elbows and knees...I'll let her tell you about that...She keeps telling us that they all used sunblock, must have been a low SPF...didn't do a whole lot of good! I understand the cousins are all fried!

When we went to church today, Katie asked the Bishop to check the church site to see if her call had been issued....he checked and no luck....we won't see it this week either. Hope all is in order and her call will be issued this week...which we understand is Friday...making its' arrival here sometime the week of the 24th. Our luck will be that it will arrive while we are in Pittsburgh. I feel like we're in limbo, not knowing what to do to prepare (at least temporally) until we know her destination. But there is still plenty to do, like work and study and starting to think like a missionary....and do all of my errands while I'm at work :)

I'll continue to wait...wish I had planned on three or four weeks in the first place.

Owie....

Talked to Jakie today, he was pretty distressed. Something about his foot and falling on the sidewalk and Mommy putting ice on it, but it hurt so he didn't want the ice etc., etc., etc.,...I proceeded in my nurse-ness and grandma-ness to say that he should let his Mommy put ice on it, it would make it feel better....NOPE..."Grandma, ONLY a band-aid makes it feel better!" I should have known...so I said, "Well, put the band-aid on, then the ice" "OKAY, Grandma!"

I thought I had a breakthrough until Rick told me that this happened days ago and he was still a drama king about anyone touching it or even removing the band-aid for a bath. I should have been giving my "it's all better now" speech!

Oh how I wish a band-aid made everything better! But, maybe I should try it just to remind me of the wisdom of a three year-old.

Baby Girl

I send my baby girl off to California tomorrow. 5 girls packed into a car, driving across some of the hottest desert in the country. They are going to Las Vegas, Disneyland, the beach, Hollywood, to visit and stay w/other cousins (Zach and Tom) and to points undetermined. Hope the Garmin works well and they stay out of traffic! It will be a bonding experience for the "cousins"

While she's gone, her mission call may come. If it does, I may have to steal the mail so that her Dad doesn't open it. He is threatening, his mom opened his...he doesn't see a thing wrong with it. Hopefully it is delayed until next week, then we won't have to worry about it! Although, it would be nice to know........

Textbook Glut...

I just finished purchasing my textbooks for next semester (two short weeks away) and never cease to be amazed at the cost of paperback books. I looked at several sites and wondered if I could trust them coming from all over the country and then not even be sure they were the right edition. It might have saved me $50+ dollars, but I decided to be my steady old self and ordered from the bookstore. I spent a mere $231.70 for 4 books...the sad part is that two of them are statistics books that I'll probably never understand anyway...

I shouldn't cry about it, Cam says he has one book this semester that will cost him $150...for one book. That's crazy. Whatever happened to the "rental" plan that we like to hear so much about??? Apparently there are a few to be rented at Utah State, but alas, I don't see anything of the sort at Great, Great Weber State. Ok, I'll quit complaining...

On the upside, after a summer of $)(%*# in my English writing class, I just got my grade.....I REALLY couldn't believe the "A" after all the grief I got from the instructor...let's just say this, we educated ourselves pretty much...so I bet we all got an A.. I think I'll say it now, I have a 4.0 GPA sor far in Graduate school....like I said, here comes stats...probably won't be able to say that next semester. Wish me luck!

Grandma's First Post

This is my first chance to post...Katie set this up for me so that I could post on other's blogs....soe here I am. Not much interesting about me today....

A New Blog

Grandma will hopefully post on this. Happy new blog Grandma!